02/12/02

I know that my love is but a grain of salt on your scrumptious sausage bisquits. Your mysterious figure could seduce any woman but means so much more to me. I watch you dance, I play your game, and yet you cannot feel my need for you. Sometimes I print your picture so I can be close to your perfection...but it's not enough. I would do anything to be with you, Slimey...you are the only slug for me...please write me... - Yours Always, Slugless_In_San Antonio

02/04/02

why, why , why, did you leave me, i need you and your gone again, come back my dear dear slimey!!!!!!! - Anonymous, desperate person

11/24/99

Oh, Slimey one, every waking moment I dream of your loving caresses, sliming all over my sweaty, naked body. I wonder what it would be like to french kiss you , I also wonder if slugs have tongues at all....Oh but it doesn't matter any way , what you haven't got , I'll make up for you , when you want lettuce I'll chop it up for you , my love. Just one look from those slimey green eyes and I'm happy for a thousand years , my dear I yearn for only you. With my deepest most passionate kisses , - forever yours Rachel ...xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx= xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx= xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

11/03/99

I am a General in The Space Army, and I just wanted you to know how your Love Advice has affected our recent Battle Plans. Firstly, my troops are represented on the 4-dimensional HoloTranjector(a glowing map of sorts used to track and map battle nodes in 12 color D.I.T. graphics)by glowing green and mauve Slimey Icons. They squish and slop about the Battle Projection helping us keep track of Troop locations and indicate tangarine shortages by blinking erratically. Secondish, our Space Troop First-Aid kit consists of three Slimey the Slug arm slings and a packet of S-Ration. S-ration is a specially designed audiotronic C-60 audio tape which acts as a Pain Demotivator in case of splinter or mild ass rash.(homing phrases inspired lactically by Slimey the Slug letter responses such as "The pain will decrease now because...Understanding love(especially such frothy love) is not a task achievable by mortal measures." beeep.) Thirdly, during our recent police action on Uranis our strategy was decisively altered by a statement you were rumoured to have whispered to pop icon and loosely moraled songstress Mariah Carey during your stint as her personal bodyguard in 1993. The(alleged) statement; "I gotta go to the little slugs' room, back in a sec." caused us to rethink our strategy of always starting a mission without using the restroom first. The slogan "Piss before you Miss!" became our battle cry. And so mr. Slimey, on behalf of the entire Space Army I would like to award you with the Cybernetic Medal of Onner. And make you an Admiral of Pregnancy in the Baby Birthin' Corps. (The toughest, meanest specialized wing of the Space Army). - Signed, General Assistant First Class, I.B. Pumpernickel

09/16/99

Oh slime boy you drive me crazy with that ugly face you suck more T@@@@@s than I ever could dream of. Be mine you can get a hole bunch of crazy and romantic things. Say you will be mine and we can run to an island be together for a while what do you say oh slimeo and if you don't I'll rip out your slimmey guts and feed them to my 10 cats. Say you will be mine and I can Kiss you all night and stick my TOUNGE in your mouth all night every night. Jessica Landly,

08/29/99

Hello, i was wondering if you belive in relationships over the internet? Like if you meet someone in a Chat room or something. I've had a boyfriend named Chirs, over the internet. I meet him in a Chat room but we are broke up now. There are some really nice guys out there, but the bad thing about internet guys is that you don't really know if they are telling you the truth or if they're lying. So my question is: Do you belive in relationships over the internet?

08/05/99

i'm not a girl but i need your advice. there's this girl that i REALLY like but she doesn't like me and i just can't get her to. what should i do? - X man in NJ - P.S. good job kicking the skulls ass!

08/03/99

To darling. I have watched you for so long Always singing a lovely song. You always look so black and nice, Even when you crawl over mice. You always look so great and slimly, So gorgeous so beautiful, really, well blimey! I seem to be goin on a bit, So much in fact, i'm now in a fit. Would you please send you love back to me, So that the whole world will see, How much I really love you, Even though you look like poo. Lots of love and kisses... - From... Your distance lover.

07/14/99

Hey there this is Erin comin' at ya from the ever so exciting state of Ohio (ha!) and I just thought I'd drop you a line. I think you're the wisest, most intuitive, sweetest and all around cutest slug I've ever had the privilege of knowing. All that considered, I figured you were the best person to come to for a little advice, if you don't mind. Here goes: I've learned to use you as a standard for choosing guys, although this plan may seem foolproof I have once again found a way to attract a guy who hurts me. Now, the solution to this problem may seem obvious (get rid of him) but it is much more complicated than that. I love my man dearly (almost as much as you now) but the simple fact of the matter is he does not understand me. He doesn't understand why bananas are way better on a peanut butter sandwich then jelly, how it is not disgusting to mix Mayo and mustard as a dipping sauce for corn dogs, why I'd rather swim in cool water than warm, why there's always room for Jell-O, why small yapping dogs really are annoying, why I love the People's Court, why I sleep with a rabbit, why it's really funny when he misses the ball, why I get amusement out of the smallest things (like my new toothbrush), why beanie babies are necessary to survival, why I cry when I see clowns *shudder*, why it's not hypocritical to have a picture or Marilyn Manson and Dc Talk on my door, why I wish the sky were purple, or (most importantly) why I love slugs. None of these things are individually important I suppose but combined I think they might form a larger issue. I say, however, in his defense, he does love me in spite of, and because of all these things. So what do you think Slimey? Is this husband material? - Love, Erin - P.S. I'd really love to have a Slimey doll if you have an extra one ;o) I might even kick Glove, my rabbit, out of bed for it.

06/08/99

Dearest Slimey, My wedding day is fast approaching, and in less than two weeks I will be a beautiful bride, forever devoted to my new husband. What I ask of you is one thing, and I can only hope that you will grant me my last unwed wish... I would like a final fling with you, Your Slimeness, a most passionate night of mucous-filled romance. I am not necessarily looking for sex, what we do is up to you. But I do want to wake up the next morning covered in your goo and completely exhausted. Could you give me memories to last a lifetime, memories that will make blush for weeks to come? I don't have much time, I must know within a few days so that a meeting between us can be arranged. I would be forever in your debt if you could make my dreams come true. - Yours until my wedding, Anna

02/16/99

slimy, i am a seventeen year old female who is tired of all the crap guys put her through. what i need is someone who will be honest and not try to take advantage of me when i am drunk. what i need is a man like you, slimey. whadda you say? be mine forever? - Anonymous Chick (I guess)

12/12/98

I amn't a girl, but i just cant get you off my chests. The image of you jumping into the secret Pit plays over and over again in my mind. I dream of waking to see your big toothie slime coated drip toofs slopping down at me, how can i never know happiness without you? How can i live without your imitation spam connectors, silently groping my unconcious, yet highly aroused nipple chops? Who are you to call this "unnatural" and "stupid"? How can you take a love this strong and grate it like a hunk of seaweed flavored fromage? I'm sorry, I just dont understand....
Your giggly sandy-bottom, - Craig T. Oliver

12/04/98

To my darling Slimey the Slug (can I call you Slugbun?) You don't know me, but I have watched you from afar for a very long time. I think now is the time that we should meet, lest my heart should shrivel up from heartbreak, as you would if you were to be attacked by the ghaslty sulphuric salt. I can no longer bear the thought that you are not aware of me, when I, your surely devoted lover, have nothing but sweet awareness for you. My mind never wanders from your sticky luminescent trail. That trail, oh that trail, I will follow for eternity and evermore, and evermore shall my heart hold the picture of you doing the macerena, your stick eyes swaying with the smooth rhythm with perfect harmony. My dear Slugbuns, wilt thou not acknowledge my endearing presence? Is it not my turn to feel the warmth and goo of your returned feelings? Please, give me not your ignorance to my existance; and give me your everlasting attention for which I yearn for with a passion painfully strong. The words in my mouth mean nothing, if you have not a merciful ear to listen to them, even though biologically that is not possible, when two lovers are united anything is possible, and two lovers I think we shall be. With the kindness of your heart, at least you can hear me out. - Yours Eternally, - Sheridan Harbridge

11/26/98

HELLO WHAT ARE YOU? TOU ARE AN UGLY SLUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - Anonymous (I'm gonna sue this guy for Spam!)

11/26/98

HEY HOWS IT GOING, I THINK YOUR PRETTY COOL. BUT ANYWAYS I NEED HELP. THERES THIS GIRL, AND SHE LOVES ME AND I LOVE HER, BUT SHE SAYS SHE NEEDS A BREAK, AND SHES BEING A BITCH. DO I LET HER GO AND I FIND ANOTHER GIRL OR JUST WAIT, CUZ I DONT WANNA WAIT FOREVER. SHES PRETTY AND SWEET, BUT LOOKES CAN TRICK YOU, SO WHAT DO I DO. WHAT WOULD YOU DO MAN. THANKS ALOT, PEACE. - Anonymous (Geesh! We get a lot from this guy!)

09/27/98

Can you turn me into a slimey slug with a kiss. I am very worried about getting cancer and have heard that the odds are very low for slugs. Just in case my wish comes true I would like a few days notice to get a good supply of moisture cream as I would probably end up a dry slug. Also let me know if slugs get periods as I would have to get some special hygeine protection. - Wendy

06/17/98

Dearest Slimey, I am certain that you have heard of me. I am the mighty yet gentle daughter of the goddess of Infant Island. I am certain that you heard of the exploits of my mother, Mothra. She had at one time battled Godzilla out of love for this planet. But tragedy struck her. When the wicked fairy Belvera summoned Death Ghidorah, Mothra died in the clash. Even though I was able to defeat Death Ghidorah, at times I still feel grief over my mother's death. Slimey, do you remember when I was still in my egg? Mothra's priestesses, the cosmos, used to tell of how you kept your protecting watch over my egg. Even though you tried to stop me from hatching and going after Death Ghidorah, I see that as a gesture of loving concern for me. I appreciate every gesture of loving concern that any being shows towards one another. You had taught me that loving concern is more important than any worldly fortunes. Even after I defeated Death Ghidorah, you taught me to be a wise and just ruler of Infant Island. I wish I could repay you somehow. I wish I could repay you fully. Ah, yes, I know how! I give you an invitation. I invite you to come to Infant Island and rule over the natives by my side. It would be so grand to have the same handsome face who watched over me as an egg stay with me for as long as I live. Why, when you were teaching me how to be a good queen, your melodious voice nearly totally distracted me from what you were saying. Humans may think of your slime as utterly hideous, but in my eyes, that gives your skin such a smooth appearance. You would look so sensual if you rolled around in your own slime all day. My mother's brother Battra envies your appearance. He wishes he were born a slug instead of a black moth. My friend, will you accept the invitation to rule Infant Island with me? - Love, - Mothra Leo

05/02/98

Do you remember me? It is I, Rolli Polli! We used to share a log together back in the 60's, when things were crazy. Anyway, I have never quite gotten you out of my thoughts, even while I was living with other slugs under other logs. I guess what I'm getting at is... can we be friends? Things don't have to be the same again, but I need you in my life. Or I at least need your doll to fill the void. - Love, - Rolli Polli

04/29/98

I am a snail. And I am so lovelorn for yooooouuuuu Slimey! I would leave behind my shell if I knew a happy day with you awaited me. I am ready to devote myself completely to you and your sensuous mucous lining. Say something. - Anonymous (again)

04/29/98

do you shrivel in salt? - Anonymous.

03/19/98

Dearest Slimy!, we love U we all love you I wish that I could see you in person to see your anteners twitch with glee. Oh dear Slimy! Your adventures are so so slowwwwwwwwwwwwww. But we love you anyway. You leave trails of slime, which we eat for lunch. So thank you for feeding us. We love you. - Love, - Your No. 1 fans. - The slugies. p.s. We like you with garlic and butter. yum

02/26/98

Dear Slimey, I've been going out with my boyfriend for ages and ages (about 4 months) and I don't know how to tell him about my love for another. I know your page isn't really a problem page but I don't know what to do and lots of people seem to write to you for advice. The thing is its you I've fallen for. You make me laugh, you make me cry, you're always there whenever I need you except when the networks not working and you don't chuck me out of my own bed. If you'd met him you'd know I like slimey things and I think you and I would be perfect together! Tell me it can be so! Lets run away together and eat lettuce... if you can't bring yourself to be with me, please send me a doll as a momento of what could have been! - Yours forever - -- Becky - xxxxx -Let me know soon... I live in Downing College, Cambridge, UK Write soon!

02/12/98

Oh baby! - -- Tish Burleson

01/12/98

Would you mind helping me burp the air out of my water bed? - Can I have my Slimey doll now? - -- Carol Pafford

12/14/97

your ccccccccooooooooooooooooooooooollllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hehheheheheheheheheheheheheheh you suck!!!!! - -- Tony Faccia

02/16/99

- Dear Slimy, my slethery friend,
I love you. I have always loved you.
You know that, don't you?
I knew that you would understand.
I have to see other people.
I'm sorry. The way that you slither dosn't touch me like it used to. Im sorry.
I know that you loved me.
Farewell my loved one.
Gasp! I cant leave you! Please come back to me.
I love you!
I really do
Come back to me!
PLEASE!
Well, I understand if you don't want me back. I mean, I'm so beautiful and all, well, I have to go now.
Bye for now..............
For now. - --Anonymous (but from Australia)

10/17/97

Dear slimey, How are you? I know this has nothing to do with love, but can you tell me where your animation is. Also my best-friend is completely in love with Taylor from that dumb band Hason, I tell her it hopeless but it dosen't stop her from liking him and it is very annoying, tell me something to do about this! - -- from slippery the seal.

09/27/97

- dear slimy im in love with this guy called jack barker but he is not in love with me i no im onley ten but i want to have sex with him but to afraid to ask if he will i would relly like a slimy slug doll so here is my address (enclosed) - lovvvvv caity

04/16/97

- I am in love with this guy i've known for six months, and I know you won't believe me or you probably don't even wanna waist your time on me to give advise, but i'm 17 and i'm in love for the first time and we've been together for six months until now. he had to go to a different school and ever since then he's been getting in all sorts of trouble and now we fight constantly. he's been cheating on me and every time I go back to him cause I figure your not supposed to give up on love.. right?..... please help - --J. Sanchez

01/26/97

I love you with butter and garlic Oh never mind thats your uncle slug --S. Trois

03/01/02

I love you with butter and garlic Oh never mind thats your uncle slug --S. Trois